


I Grieve Because I Loved

by IcyCrystal



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Beware, Canon Divergence, Death, GIMLI IS BEING REALLY DRAMATIC, Grief, Letter, Letters, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Silence, Suicide, angsty, but for a good reason, suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 12:30:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3978100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcyCrystal/pseuds/IcyCrystal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the kink meme, "Everyone lives AU. Kili and Fili join Balin's expedition to retake Moria, and die there with him. Gimli must bring this news to King Thorin."<br/>Fili's dead. A letter is sent. Death may or may not take them all after all. And perhaps the Line of Durin may be destroyed after all.</p><p>"No more hitched breaths and sobs. Only silence."</p><p>I'm really bad at the summaries. Just read it. It's way cooler (or suckier, depending in your perspective) than the summary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Grieve Because I Loved

“The _capacity to grieve is as much a part of us as a capacity to love.”_

* * *

 

_Dear King Thorin II,_

_It is with great sadness that I leave you this message. As you must already know, the dwarrows have failed in conquering our ancient homeland once more, I one of the only few survivors. And with us came three of your dearest friends and comrades, Oin, Ori and Balin. They, unfortunately, have not survived the battle. But not without reason, for they would have survived,_   _had they not_   _fallen for a noble reason. I was with them, King, I saw them fall at the hands of the Orcs. I saw Oin, my own uncle, fall prey to a wandering sword. I saw dear Ori, still young and innocent, die at the hands of the Balrog’s flaming whip. I saw dear old Balin, felled by the hands of a great monster. And all of them were protecting something. Prince Fili, who had also accompanied us on our journey to reclaim Moria had been protected by plenty. All remaining dwarrows rallying to the heir to protect him, as he lay wounded and broken. But still, a thousand mortal men and dwarves still cannot compete with Durin’s Bane. And it is with deep sadness that I inform you that the Prince has fallen within the battle. His body was not recovered, many were too deformed and defaced to be recognized.  Only his beads were recovered. They will be sent as soon as possible. For now King, please let us grieve, for my father has lost his brother, I, my uncle, and you, your heir. So let this be a time of grieving for us, for we never intended for it to end this way._

_Yours truly,_

_Gimli, son of Gloin_

* * *

 

 

That letter was nothing but a pile of ash now, thrown into the flames to burn in anger and regret, crushed hope and grief. Dis, the mother of the heir apparent had shut herself in her quarters, no one allowed to enter. No one had heard of her for days. She had not eaten, she had not slept. On nights of cold and dark, you could hear her screaming her dead sons’ names. Last they had seen of her, she told them she could hear footsteps, that she could still hear him. That her dead sons still visited her in the night. She was pale, her eyes wide and terrified. Her hair became long and her beard unruly. But no one had seen of her for days. No one had heard either. No screams came from her chambers anymore. No more hitched breaths and sobs. Only silence.

Kili, second son, and brother to the dead heir had been found dead the following day. Marks were found upon his skin, marks he had put himself as a knife was found next to his body. Written all over his body was the name of his dead brother, inked with blood. An act of self-harm, to try and forget, to block out the pain. An act of torture, so angry and furious with himself that he was not able to protect his brother, for Fili had always protected him.  But it was apparent that he could not take it anymore. The knife was embedded deep in his chest, his eyes still open, dull brown, sightless and unseeing. The dried blood oozing out of his chest, his heart, an exact representation of how he had felt.   _A coward’s way out_ , the whispers would say but that was untrue. Kili was brave, and to take his life, even braver, for it showed that he would embrace death with open arms if it meant seeing his brother again. For his brother was a part of him, a part that was stolen, taken, broken and killed.  

And, Thorin, Thorin had lost everything. First Thorin lost Bilbo to his own foolishness, thrown him over the ramparts without a single care. Only that had woken him up from his madness. He was close to death at that point, only his sisters and nephews had kept them living. And now all were gone. Both were dead, his sons. He would never see their smiles again, their mischief running about the halls of Erebor. And Dis, his sister—no not his sister anymore, she would never be Dis again. Dis, that strong woman who he had been proud to call a sister, now reduced to a pile of nothingness, staring at him, right through him, like he was not even there. Because he wasn’t there. Without her sons, Dis was nothing. Only a being who lived knowing silence.  And without them, Thorin was nothing. He was stuck in a different kind of madness, and this madness had no escape.

He wondered if anyone would begrudge him, or if they would shame him in history, if he jumped down the balcony of his cold, empty chambers.

And maybe it was just him hallucinating, but he could swear that he saw Bilbo, Fili and Kili smiling and holding out their open palms at him, up there in the great vast, starry sky.

It was time to move on.

He smiled.

_At last._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmmm?? I wonder what happened to Thorin.... You can decide. But I know what my ending is...


End file.
